Extensive scaffolding on a building in downtown Cincinnati, Ohio. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I’m reading J.L. Carrell’s ‘The Shakespeare Secret’ at the moment and am totally in awe. Every paragraph is like a mini work of art. They flow perfectly. Each one has a specific (and eloquent) purpose.
So with this observation in mind, I had a flick through my WIP.
Oh dear. I could see some major reconstruction was needed for certain paragraphs.
The problem?
Well, the thing is, a paragraph isn’t just a load of random sentences clipped together so they look neat. It should be like a miniature story in its own right. Logically ordered. Making a point.
So having spotted the problem, I had to fix it … I rolled my sleeves up and got on with the job.
Here’s an example: I changed this:
Patrick hesitated in the doorway of the Biological Science office. The usually vacant atrium was crammed full with people. It looked so unnatural, thought Patrick. Watching the semi-drunk scientists swaying out of time to the dance music reminded him of the Sci-Fi Fan Convention disco he’d visited as a teenager. Only worse.
To this:
God, it’s hot, Patrick thought. There had to be over a hundred people in here, most of them drunk. It reminded him of the Sci-Fi Convention discos he’d attended in his youth: the smell of alcohol, a sticky carpet underfoot, and the sight of adults swaying out-of-time with the music. He turned to Leo. ‘Maybe we should just-’
I think the second version gives a better sense of how Patrick feels and what he’s seeing – first through his physical response, then through his observation linked to memory, then to his attempt to persuade his friend that they go. Better I think.
Of course, then I had to check the other 332 pages …
I’m coming to realize that the well structured paragraph is the key to good writing. I am constantly amazed when I go back to my writing to find paragraphs that are just strings of barely related sentences.
The great thing is going back, asking yourself what you wanted to say in that mess you call a paragraph, then fixing it. Then, when you read it over, it’s amazing how much you improved the writing (as your two examples proved.)
I find this in my fiction writing and in the technical writing I do for a day job. The sad thing is that I always forget that it’s all about the paragraph. Thanks for yet another reminder, Stephanie!
You’re welcome. As you say, it’s the re-writing that makes the difference. Happy writing
Enjoyed reading this..Lovely post..
Thank you